I Have My Doubts

The knuckleheads at Planters Nuts have some 'splainin' to do.

Less than 50% peanutes? I heartily disagree. Unless these sneaky bastards have discovered another small nut that tastes just like a peanut but that isn't actually a peanut.

If they keep up with these lies, I'll be forced to get scientific on their asses!

Two Public Faces

Our world (well, the United States, at least) seems to have settled upon two public faces for itself. I noticed this this morning and started thinking about it. A little.

Face Number One: Mall face. Also known as George Bush Face. The slack-jawed, glazed-eye, had-to-much-to-shop-last-night face that is most commonly found at your nearest indoor recreation center (i.e. shopping mall). It's the look that says, "I inhaled too much Yankee Candle." The look that says, "Too much PacSun music." The look that says, "Somewhere I have three brain cells functioning to decide if I need to upgrade my cellphone or my cellphone plan." The look that says, "Yes, Victoria's Secret is the answer, not the gym." The look that says, "I eat a diverse diet of Sbarro, Panda Wok, Au Bon Pain, and Popeyes. I am healthy."

Click once if you think you've seen this look.

Face Number Two: Angry Face. Also known as "White Guy in Oversized Pickup" Face (seen in your rearview mirror as he rushes to no place important with nothing in the cargo box and nothing in tow). It's the look I see on most women when they're talking on their cellphones whilst driving. The look I see on the guy in the electronics section at Wal-Mart on those two occasions each year when I find myself in that god-foresaken place. Other places you'll commonly see angry face? Children's soccer matches (on the parents). NFL fans come Sunday. People waiting in line -- just about anywhere. Poltiticians not kissing babies.

Click twice if you think you've seen this look.

After realizing that clicking does nothing, you'll find one of these two looks on your own face. Now wipe it off, go outside, and present a different face to the world. As the old saying goes, "Smile, and other people will think you're up to something." I'm not all for smiles and happiness and light, but something different seems in order.

Some Things Considered

Every once in a while it's nice to read something positive. It happens so rarely. The following snippet, via BoingBoing, holds some promise, although I am sure the "good" news contained in the complete article is tempered more than just a little bit by continuing hard and dire facts about the environment. To wit. . .

Sea ice area returns to 1979 level

"Based on satellite observations, the University of Illinois' Arctic Climate Research Center reports that the amount of sea ice on the planet is the highest in 29 years, when satellite record-keeping began.

"Earlier this year, predictions were rife that the North Pole could melt entirely in 2008. Instead, the Arctic ice saw a substantial recovery. Bill Chapman, a researcher with the UIUC's Arctic Center, tells DailyTech this was due in part to colder temperatures in the region. Chapman says wind patterns have also been weaker this year. Strong winds can slow ice formation as well as forcing ice into warmer waters where it will melt."

BoingBoing is one of the first sites I hit in the morning when I am cruising the intertubes. I highly recommend it as a clearinghouse of awesome, odd, exciting, insightful, and delightful news and observations. Not like BoingBoing is home to only the good news. There's always something negative to remind you taht there's a real world out there. In fact, I'd say there's an even balance of the good and the bad. Their coverage of bloggers and blogging inside authoritarian states is always top-notch, as is Cory Doctorow's updates regarding web privacy and worldwide copyright battles, among other stuff. I can't do the site justice here, but a quick peruse by you, the reader, will reveal what I'm talking about.

New Year, New You (meaning: Me)

So let's get this straight. I'll be 41 this year. About three and a half months ago, for the first time in my life, I began giving a damn about my health and physical well-being. With a seven year old, a four year old, and a two year old, it was about high time. And since then, by going to the gym on average three days a week, I have lost over twenty pounds. Probably more, but I wasn't all that worried about exact numbers when I started.

Anyway, my plan is for 2009 to be about a number of things. One of them is my physical health and well-being. The other thing is that I need to write more. My novel, "Marvel and Twain," has been stalled for a while around the 120 page mark, and so I have also decided that 2009 is to be the year I get the first draft done, and the second or third or fourth draft underway. Plus, writing, revising, and submitting a raft of short stories, completed or underway.

Also, I intend to be a more mindful and sympathetic parent, as well as a more rewarding spouse.

Finally, it's a year to pay down debt and get the financial house in order.

So, as a means of getting some of these things accomplished, I thought that paying more attention to the Existential Cheerleading blog would be a smart thing. Here's a place where I can keep track of my progress, perhaps keep myself more accountable, and maybe the blog will grow into something that matters.

Best of luck to us all. The world teeters on the brink moreso than ever before (thanks, G.W.! You were awesome, for a complete jackass!), and focusing on myself can seem foolhardy, if not downright conceited, but it all begins right here.

See you next time.

Survival In All Things

The Ice Storm of 2008 (because I hope there will not be any others in 2008) has been and gone. Left is the detritus of the storm's wallop. Broken tree limbs and the sawdust from the chainsaws used to cut them down. We survived, as everyone else did, and learned a little in the process.

The power went out at 1:15 on Friday morning. The oldest son woke up almost immediately, his body sensing the complete absence of light from his room. On top of it, he must have heard the shearing of the wind, the pounding of the rain, and the explosion of tree trunks and limbs as they gave way to the weight of ice. For a while, it sounded like World War I out there. And we were at Verdun.

By morning, we had descended below 60 degrees in the kitchen, and though the children were growing accustomed to the lack of television and light (and had not yet realized the implications of an ever chilling house), my wife was still trying to get to work. But her way out of the neighborhood to get to any major road was blocked by downed trees. Eventually, her boss texted her to stay home.

Late in the morning, we went to Nashua to our gym -- a workout and, more importantly, a hot shower. Then a hot meal. Then back home. The kitchen was 56 degrees.

Stay tuned for Part II.

Observations While Rigging-Up for the Season

Jim Teeny sink-tip floating fly line is soft as butter and smooth as silk. Supple, in a manly way.

Teeny sink-tip floating fly line cost me $52 for about 82 yards. Not so bad. Not like it’s a new spool of Sharkskin or anything, but still, when that sucker unspools on you as you’re trying to wind it onto your empty reel, it’s a major scare. I’ve had 9 foot leader unspool on me, ending up in a bird’s nest of fat-to-fine monofilament. But leader seems like a trifle, just a few bucks that can be tossed in the trash if the tangles are too much. Fifty-two dollars worth of fly line on the kitchen floor in a glowing green and impossible-to-see black rat’s nest, while dogs are lurking nearby? And kids are coming and going? That’s flat-out heart-attack-inducing. I have never worked harder or faster to untangle a tangle than I did with that Teeny line yesterday afternoon.

Teeny fly line lacks a built-in loop. So I tied my first nail knot to connect some 7 ½ foot leader to the black, sinking tip. Any trout worth his or her ancestry is going to spot that big, ugly nail knot at fifty feet in tea-stained water. I am doomed. But I positively cannot wait to try that line out.

How about a new spool of Scientific Anglers willow green weight-forward five weight GPX floating line? Yes, please. So that was the other line I spooled up on my new L.L. Bean Quest II reel. Bean calls it a large arbor, but it’s more mid-arbor to me. Not that it matters. I now have one reel, two spools, and I am ready for some fish-fighting action. Put the spare, Tenny line spool in the back pocket of my vest, and have my sights set on being a trout-snaring machine this season.

Beulah

Here's an excerpt from Beulah:

The gaping engine compartments of the trucks on display in the jam-packed car lots of North Glenbury were making her head swim. Big fat trucks with big fat mouths and big fat tires driven by big fat liars who tell big fat lies to keep their big fat egos living free and easy in a twisted landscape constructed of lies built on top of lies.

“What’re ya thinking about?” Gary finally asked, switching off whatever crap music he’d been listening to.

“Nothing,” she lied. She closed her eyes tight, then spat out, “Everything. Just about everything. There’s so much now.”

21st Century is Jetsam

Facebook, iTunes, the Zune, HDTV, blogging, social networks, the relief of technology. It is all as unrelentingly artificial and empty as a styrofoam cup caught in roadside litter.

Nothing has yet improved our lives. And I am left taking a dim view of progress in all its form.

Feeling lonely, Universe. What have you got to say to that?

Bueno Nuevo Anno, Yo

In case any of my egalitarian, Esperanto friends come around to check out my blog, I want them to feel welcome. So I have ushered int he new year with a blg entry titled in my own unique style of Esperanto, the language spoken in 97% of the world.

What is Esperanto, really? Well, to find out the truth, you could look here. But more precisely, Esperanto is the language that happens when you can't speak your own or any other language all that well. Some people in the U.S. call that language Spanglish, others call it slang, and still others call it the tripe spewed forth by undereducated, slack-jawed mouth-breathers who fell asleep some time in the third grade and awoke in full adulthood to find themselves running the country.

Didn't see that coming, did you?

Me neither. But like all good writing serendipity, it just sorta happened.

So happy new year to you, anonymous reader. I hope this next passage around the sun finds you alive and cancer-free.

History Unmaking

I guess only time will tell us just how significant Benazir Bhutto was to the history of the world, but I fear that we are currently underestimating her, even as we mourn her and praise her. I suspect this is the beginning of some enormous moment and this relatively small act of violence on the worldwide political stage will telegraph to impact just about everyone everywhere. Sort of an Archduke Ferdinand-Gavrilo Princip.